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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082307">Don't Make Me Lie to You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki'>TonySawicki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dir en grey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Blindfolds, Established Relationship, Light Bondage, Love, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Overstimulation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Praise, Safeword Use, Self-Esteem Issues, Vibrators</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:08:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I was thinking about trying something a little different tonight.”</p>
<p>Kyo’s mouth felt dry as he tried to focus on sounds and touches that were easy to recognize. “Something like what?”</p>
<p>“You’ll do as I say, won’t you?”</p>
<p>Kyo didn’t really need time to think that over. He trusted Die perhaps more than he trusted himself, and if Die wanted to try something new, it would almost definitely work out well for both of them.</p>
<p>"Tell me something about yourself that’s beautiful.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Die/Kyo (Dir en grey)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Make Me Lie to You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Heh, it's yet another one of these mushy kinda dramatic ones, sorry if y'all are sick of them already!<br/>Next week might be something a little different (dare I say... Kk...?)<br/>I hope everyone's staying safe and happy in the awful heat (at least where I live it's been miserable), and finding some good news here and there when things are such a struggle.<br/>(And reminder to mind the tags: Kyo does end up using his safeword in this one)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Kyo struggled slightly against the scarves binding his wrists; not with intent to break free, but just to confirm that they were secure. He didn’t need to get free anytime soon.</p>
<p class="p1">“Still okay?” Die asked, smiling above him.</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo nodded. “Green.”</p>
<p class="p1">Die had already been teasing him for a while, but Kyo hadn’t reached his limit yet, and everything he was doing felt too good for him to want it to stop.</p>
<p class="p1">It had been a while since they’d done this, let Die take Kyo’s control from him, dangle him over that edge into mindless pleasure, only letting him fall when he deemed him ready. But Die could always tell when Kyo needed it, when he was getting too much in his own head, taking on so many projects that he wasn’t sleeping regular hours. He knew how to draw Kyo back out, get him to relax, if only just for an hour or two, and most importantly, Kyo <em>trusted</em> him. Whatever Die had planned for him, Kyo always knew it would feel good, that he would be safe in Die’s hands. Even with his arms and legs bound to the bed, Kyo didn’t feel trapped or frightened, because Die was <em>there</em>, taking care of him.</p>
<p class="p1">Once more, Die lowered himself between Kyo’s legs, licking and nipping at the skin of his thighs, taking his time as Kyo gasped and shuddered, but never complained. Kyo enjoyed the buildup just as much as the release, and when he got into that dangerous headspace he probably needed it more than he cared to admit.</p>
<p class="p1">The teasing continued up his hips with Die never giving attention where Kyo wanted it most, until he was kissing past complex tattoo designs and over old scars. It was hard to breathe sometimes when Die lingered there, when he acknowledged those broken, ugly parts of Kyo, and gave them love and forgiveness that Kyo wasn’t sure he deserved. Maybe for that very reason, they were some of the areas on which Die most commonly lavished affection.</p>
<p class="p1">It was such a long process, but little by little, Kyo was starting to relax, the tension ebbing away the longer Die mouthed at him, touched him, surrounded him with sensation and gentleness.</p>
<p class="p1">After a while, the blindfold came out, was secured over Kyo’s eyes, but it was no surprise. It always helped Kyo to focus on the <em>feeling</em> of the pleasure he was receiving when his senses were a bit more limited.</p>
<p class="p1">Even so, Die asked, as he always did, “Still feeling good?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo nodded, a smile pulling at his lips. “I’m good.” He always felt good with Die, so it was almost funny to him that he would have to speak the words aloud.</p>
<p class="p1">Without his eyesight, Kyo was less aware of exactly <em>how</em> Die was teasing him. He felt the touches, the nips, what had to be Die’s tongue flicking over his nipples, but he couldn’t keep track of which direction he was moving, couldn’t predict what was coming next.</p>
<p class="p1">The one anchoring sound was the click of the lube cap, familiar and oddly comforting amidst a lot of other feelings that left his skin faintly buzzing.</p>
<p class="p1">He was thrown back off-balance as Die said, “I was thinking about trying something a little different tonight.”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo’s mouth felt dry as he tried to focus on sounds and touches that were easy to recognize. “Something like what?”</p>
<p class="p1">“You’ll do as I say, won’t you?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo didn’t really need time to think that over. He trusted Die perhaps more than he trusted himself, and if Die wanted to try something new, it would almost definitely work out well for both of them.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m going to touch you,” Die promised, illustrating by tracing his slicked-up fingers around Kyo’s rim. “And you’re going to talk to me while I do it.”</p>
<p class="p1">Okay, that seemed reasonable enough. Kyo was no stranger to how much his boyfriend appreciated some good dirty talk, and he also knew how Die loved to get him all squirming and incoherent.</p>
<p class="p1">“You won’t get what you want,” Die explained, “if you don’t tell me what I wanna hear.”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo nodded eagerly. He understood the challenge: Die would be taking him apart wth his fingers, and Kyo had to maintain enough brain power to keep talking, or else Die would stop. He was pretty sure he could handle that, at least up to a point.</p>
<p class="p1">Die’s fingers were still circling his hole, teasing. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, you know that?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo let out a soft sound. Even years into their relationship, it was embarrassing to hear Die praise him, but at the same time he loved every second of it.</p>
<p class="p1">“Beautiful,” Die said, and a kiss was placed right at Kyo’s hip, making him shiver. “Tell me. Tell me something about yourself that’s beautiful.”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo blinked behind his blindfold, not having anticipated such a request. “Um. I… I don’t know,” he mumbled. Personally, he couldn’t see much about himself that <em>was</em> beautiful. He only felt beautiful when Die was looking at him as if he was. “I guess—some of my tattoos, I think those are beautifully done?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Hmm…” Die didn’t sound entirely pleased, but one finger slid into Kyo nonetheless. “All right, I’ll let you have that one.” The finger started a lazy sort of rhythm, moving in and out of Kyo’s body, still not much more than a tease. “Tell me more,” Die said, and a second finger pressed against his entrance, waiting to be added.</p>
<p class="p1">“Ah-h.” Kyo squirmed. Was this really the kind of talking Die wanted him to do? He hated being put on the spot; it was hard enough to talk about himself without a finger or two up his ass. “M-more what?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Tell me more things that you like about yourself,” Die answered. “Let’s say… <em>Five</em>. Five things that are good about you.” He pushed in deep with both fingers, curving them to just graze Kyo’s prostate. “But remember, if you can’t tell me, I’ll have to stop touching you, and you won’t get to cum.”</p>
<p class="p1">This didn’t seem like such a fun game anymore. “Die…” Kyo whined.</p>
<p class="p1">“None of that,” Die scolded him. “You want to be good and do what I say, right? If you can’t follow directions, why should I let you cum?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo grumbled, tugged at his bonds again. He wasn’t going to argue with Die, which meant he had to think of something—<em>five</em> somethings—he liked about himself.</p>
<p class="p1">“I guess I like that I’m… I have, I’m… honest,” he said uncertainly, but he hardly heard Die’s rumble of approval. When he thought about it more, his honesty had actually gotten him into trouble more times than he could count. It had occasionally hurt people he cared about, since he didn’t always know how to temper it properly with tact, and yet there was no other way for him to be.</p>
<p class="p1">Was it really something he liked about himself, when surely he would be <em>better</em> if he were more capable of lying?</p>
<p class="p1">“Hey, I’m waiting for the next one,” Die voice cut in, demanding, but not harsh.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m thinking,” Kyo muttered defensively.</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe I've got something to help you think faster.” Die's fingers pulled away and there was something else fitted against Kyo’s entrance, something cool and slick, <em>hard</em>. Kyo had been too lost in his own thoughts to hear Die taking a toy out of their drawer, and he only realized what it was as it pressed into him, a split second before the vibrations turned on.</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo loved when Die used the vibrator on him, especially when he was tied up and helpless. It was so overwhelming, kept Kyo out of his head, and he knew that was the motivation here. If Kyo was high on vibrations, he’d have to just spit out the self-positivity Die wanted to hear, instead of overthinking it.</p>
<p class="p1">Only that wasn't working. He was still overthinking, but now he was panicky and sensitive at the same time.</p>
<p class="p1">He tried to bring himself back to Die’s instructions, but he just got more frustrated. What he liked about himself? What the hell was there to like? Every path he started down he just found more to hate.</p>
<p class="p1">He could have said he liked his voice, but he didn’t like it more than anyone else’s. In fact, he was sure there were countless other, more talented people than him, who didn’t have to work as hard as he did for the same or better results, but who had less opportunity, and he hated that. Plus, he knew his voice wasn’t always reliable, and his use of it (or misuse) had landed him in the hospital before.</p>
<p class="p1">His other “talents” led him in similar spirals. He wasn’t good <em>enough. </em>He never <em>could</em> be. He wasn’t particularly funny or interesting, people probably liked it better when he wasn’t around, and the only really good thing he had was Die’s love—which he most definitely didn’t deserve.</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo shook his head, panic and self-loathing starting to drive out his more rational thoughts. “No—No, Die, I can’t…”</p>
<p class="p1">Die shushed him. “You can, you’ve done so well already. Do you want me to stop?"</p>
<p class="p1">The vibrator brushed against Kyo’s prostate and he cried out, his whole body jerking. It didn’t feel good, it felt like <em>too much</em>, and Kyo was <em>trapped</em>.</p>
<p class="p1">“I can’t—I can’t, I can’t,” he said helplessly, yanking at his bound wrists.</p>
<p class="p1">“Whoa, hey, it’s okay," Die said, and a hand was laid gently on Kyo’s thigh, probably meant to be soothing.</p>
<p class="p1">Even that contact was too much, and Kyo tried in vain to get away, until all he could do was say, “<em>Red</em>, red red red—”</p>
<p class="p1">In seconds, Kyo was untied, the vibrator shut off and removed, the blindfold gone from his eyes, but all that meant was that he was free to curl in on himself, put his hands over his face.</p>
<p class="p1">Again, Die tried to soothe him. “You’re—You’re okay, hey, I’ve got you.” A steady hand stayed on Kyo’s shoulder, and it didn’t irritate Kyo’s skin this time. "What do you need?"</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo was still shaking his head. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."</p>
<p class="p1">“<em>No</em>,” Die said, and the bed shifted. Kyo could tell he was lying down beside him. “You never have to be sorry for using your safeword, that’s—<em>I’m</em> sorry. Fuck, Kyo, I’m… Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo sniffed, still too full of adrenaline to be embarrassed at how he was crying. “I’m just—Please—Please don’t, Die, please don’t.”</p>
<p class="p1">Die’s voice came soft, buried in Kyo's hair. “I won’t, anything you need. Do you need me to…? Don’t what, sweetheart?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Don’t make me lie to you,” Kyo said miserably, pulling one hand away from his face to wipe at his eyes with his forearm.</p>
<p class="p1">“Kyo…” Die’s arms were around him in the next breath, tight, but not trapping him, and Kyo didn’t feel suffocated by it.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m sorry,” Kyo said again. “I wish I could—<em>be</em> whatever…”</p>
<p class="p1">“Stop, I’m—I’m so sorry, Kyo, I didn’t mean to put you in a…” Die broke off, sighed. “I didn’t think of it as—as <em>lying</em>, because I know that all these great things are <em>true</em> about you, and I just thought, you’d have to see them, too.”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo grumbled argumentatively, though without much in the way of words.</p>
<p class="p1">“I didn’t think about the kind of pressure that was putting on you,” Die said softly. “I should have, and I—I fucked up, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Can we talk about it?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo shrugged. Now that he was free and everything had stopped, he was starting to feel like some petulant child with how he was behaving. Die’s arms around him were instrumental in helping the panic subside, and yet there Kyo was still being uncooperative.</p>
<p class="p1">“You want to just forget it?” Die offered. “We can do something else, watch some cartoons, I can give you a massage maybe?”</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s stupid for me to freak out about it,” Kyo said.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s not,” Die said firmly. “Your feelings are never stupid. I’m not going to try something like that again, and <em>now</em> I just want to do whatever you need."</p>
<p class="p1">He was really being very patient. Kyo was all too aware of the long pauses every time Die meant for him to speak. Still, he didn’t feel like Die was hurrying him along, and he took his time considering an alternate way to finish their evening.</p>
<p class="p1">Little by little, he let himself relax into Die’s embrace. It was a place of safety, even after such a mishap, and Kyo was content, just knowing that Die was there, holding him, unwilling to let him go.</p>
<p class="p1">A terribly long time went by before Kyo said quietly, “Would you still want to touch me?”</p>
<p class="p1">Die didn’t answer right away either. His lips pressed to Kyo’s shoulder, he finally said, “What did you have in mind?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m… not good at giving you the kind of… stuff that you were looking for,” Kyo said. His fingers traced the snakeskin pattern on the back of Die’s hand as he spoke. “It’s hard for me to see and believe positive things about myself. But. But you don’t need me to tell you, because you already know the right answers anyway, right?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Hmm. You mean, I already know good things about you, without you telling me?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo nodded. “So, what if… Maybe, instead of me telling you, you could… tell me?”</p>
<p class="p1">Die sat up slowly, made sure to catch and hold Kyo's gaze. “You want me to tell you positive things about you… while I’m touching you.”</p>
<p class="p1">It didn’t sound judgy or skeptical at all. Kyo recognized it as Die clarifying that he’d understood Kyo clearly, that he wasn’t rushing into anything without knowing it was exactly what Kyo wanted.</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo nodded again. “I would like that, if it's okay with you.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” Die tilted his head slightly. “It wouldn’t be too overwhelming for you to hear that kind of thing?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe it would be overwhelming,” Kyo said, “but not in a bad way. I can’t... I can’t think about myself that way. But those things are easier to believe when I hear them from you.” He linked his fingers with Die’s. “I kind of <em>like</em> hearing them from you.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Then I’ll say them as much as you want.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe we can lay off the vibrator, though,” Kyo said. “Might be too sensitive.”</p>
<p class="p1">Die nodded easily. “What about my fingers?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo chewed his bottom lip. “Yes, please."</p>
<p class="p1">Finally, Die smiled, leaned in to kiss Kyo, all reassurance and quiet heat. Pulling back from it he asked, “Do you need another few minutes? Some water?”</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo shook his head. “I feel okay now.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I won’t tie you up again,” Die said. “How about the blindfold?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I think I’d rather be able to see you,” Kyo said, after a moment’s consideration.</p>
<p class="p1">It was nothing like the original plan for the evening, everything Die had arranged totally scrapped, but Kyo could tell that Die wasn’t bothered by that in the slightest, and that kind of flexibility was what made Kyo trust him so much to begin with.</p>
<p class="p1">Even with Kyo’s insistence that he’d recovered, Die wasn’t willing to jump back into it all at once. He took his time working Kyo up again, with caresses and slow drags of his lips, all the while murmuring hushed praise that Kyo felt more than heard.</p>
<p class="p1">When Kyo was once again achingly hard, fidgeting with anticipation, Die took up the lube and started moving his fingers between Kyo’s legs.</p>
<p class="p1">“I love you,” he told him plainly, and Kyo gasped as the first finger breached him. “I love that you don’t follow anyone’s example, don’t try to fit into anyone’s mold. You understand what other people want you to be, but you don’t give a damn, and are unapologetically yourself at all times.”</p>
<p class="p1">Two fingers soon stretched Kyo open, and his head tipped back. Die really wasn’t holding back with his words, and already Kyo was feeling a bit overwhelmed by them, but it was more manageable this time.</p>
<p class="p1">“How are you feeling?” Die asked, and scattered a few kisses up his neck, perhaps to make it seem less like the check-in it clearly was.</p>
<p class="p1">“Good,” Kyo answered. “Green.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Mm.” One more kiss went right below Kyo’s ear, and the fingers inside him crooked, rubbing against his sweet spot. Die continued over Kyo’s punched-out moans, “I love your quiet strength—I admire it, really. It’s not for show, not something you wave around, but you’re so resilient, so brave, so daring, and I’m always so, <em>so</em> fucking proud of you.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Die…” There were tears in Kyo’s eyes, and he could feel pressure building somewhere behind his navel, a tightening up his spine and down his thighs.</p>
<p class="p1">“You’re kind, even when you don’t think you are,” Die said. He was fucking Kyo deliberately now, though Kyo had lost track of how many fingers were inside him, or what they were doing; it had all just melded into <em>full, full, full</em>, and <em>so good</em>, buried somewhere under Die’s torrents of love and praise for everything Kyo was.</p>
<p class="p1">“You’re generous and you’re funny, and every day of my life is better because you’re in it,” Die said, and his other hand, previously unaccounted for, came into action, stroking Kyo firmly, twisting below the head like a flourish.</p>
<p class="p1">Kyo’s mouth dropped open, and he screamed, but no sound came out. He arched off the bed, his fingers digging into the sheets, and cum rained down on his belly for what felt like ages.</p>
<p class="p1">When he came back to himself, Kyo was being held securely, the softest blanket on the bed tucked up over his shoulders so he was in a sort of cocoon; safe, warm, loved.</p>
<p class="p1">“Thank you,” he said to Die, his voice hoarser than he expected.</p>
<p class="p1">“You’re welcome,” Die answered. “I’m just glad I could make you feel better. I love you.”</p>
<p class="p1">And Kyo knew that was never a lie.</p>
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